From Regret to Revelation

Surrendered: A Testimony

Previous Chapter: Walking in Freedom

If I could go back in time and undo a thousand things, a thousand choices, I would, without hesitation. There were so many missed opportunities I foolishly failed to take advantage of—chances to do better, to love deeper, to think wiser, and to live with purpose. Had I known then the true weight of my decisions, the catastrophic ripples they would create, and how deeply they would shape my future, I would have lived with far more caution and profound intention. But I didn't. I was living for myself, utterly consumed by my own fleeting desires. My pleasures and desires sat on the throne of my heart, a self-crowned king. I cared little for what tomorrow held and was only concerned with satisfying the insatiable cravings of the present day.

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death" (Proverbs 14:12, ESV). This was my stark, painful reality. What I thought was liberation was actually a suffocating bondage, and what I saw as harmless fun led to agonizing, unavoidable consequences. I lost good friendships, watching them dissolve like smoke. I irrevocably damaged my health with the very drugs I once depended on for escape, their betrayal a bitter pill. I set back my education, delaying personal growth and intellectual development. I stunted my spiritual development, living in a barren desert of the soul, and utterly destroyed my finances, throwing away money that could have been invested in a future I never imagined I'd one day desperately want. I lost years of my life, years stolen by addiction and selfishness. I lost the very freedom I so desperately sought.

But what I gained was far, immeasurably, greater than anything I lost—I gained Christ. "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). That truth, that breathtaking, undeserved grace, wrecks me in the best possible way. I didn't have to somehow get clean, or fixed, or flawless for God to start loving me. He loved me even in the deepest, darkest trenches of my rebellion, while I was spitting in His face. I didn't have to earn a second chance, or prove my worthiness—He offered it freely, boundless and unmerited, through His astounding grace. Now I live not with regret, but with profound revelation. He has opened my eyes to truths I will never again take for granted, precious gems of wisdom I now cherish. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I no longer desire to walk in the sin that once ruled my life with an iron fist. Jesus brought about true, genuine repentance in my heart, a deep, transformative change. That gaping hole I used to frantically try and fill with substances, with fleeting relationships, or with hollow possessions, is now filled to overflowing with His tangible, satisfying presence. I've learned how utterly crucial it is to be mindful of the people we surround ourselves with, for their influence can be either a blessing or a curse. "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals'" (1 Corinthians 15:33). Being around people who uplift, encourage, and relentlessly pursue righteousness has utterly transformed my daily walk, propelling me forward. I no longer chase a good time, a fleeting thrill—I chase God, His presence, His will.

Prayer has become an unshakable anchor in my life, a lifeline in every storm. I know now, with every fiber of my being, that without the fervent prayers of others and my own desperate cries to God, I simply wouldn't be here today. "The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working" (James 5:16b). And not just prayer, but also the living, breathing Word of God—my daily bread, my sustenance. Reading Scripture is like hearing God speak directly to my heart, His voice a soothing balm and a guiding light. The wisdom contained within those sacred pages is truly life-changing, transforming every perspective. "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalm 119:105).

Trusting God hasn't always been easy; my natural inclination is to grasp for control, to orchestrate my own destiny. But He's patiently shown me that real, abiding peace comes only when I release my white-knuckled grip and let go, surrendering to His perfect plan. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

To whoever is reading this, carrying your own burdens: I pray with every fiber of my being that you come to know the profound, liberating joy of surrender. Let go of your worries, your crushing regrets, and your relentless need for control. Place your trust completely and wholly in God, a trust that knows no bounds. He's never failed me—and He won't fail you either.